The First Day of School is Tomorrow
I am an emotional mess this morning. I’m preparing for a wedding today by charging up all my equipment and reviewing timelines and shot lists. Still, I’m also packing up all of my son’s things he will need for his first day of school tomorrow. He will be entering the 8th grade, and it breaks this mother’s heart. My Mom always told me that when you have children, time flies by quickly, and before you know it, they will be grown.
The realization hit me when I looked at all the supplies he had to have and the new blue jeans he needed; he is in 30x34s. He is 13 and turning into a young man before my eyes.
All I can think about is how much we have been through together and how much it makes me want to be a better mother. How much time have I missed working late hours, dealing with depression from my divorce, and my own loneliness?
Yet there are happy memories of long rides in the truck together with our dog. Playing in the snow by ourselves, building fires in the wood stove, and enjoying the peace and quiet of nights long past.
We made it through some of the most challenging times of our lives together, and it shatters my soul to realize how he is growing up. I’m not ready for him to be this age yet. I wish I could go back and start over with him and shield him more.
But I am also proud of what he is becoming. His compassion and respect for others astound me. Someone told me this past week that I have done well with him because he is very balanced. However, all I can think of are my mistakes.
Maybe it is a mother’s curse to worry and mourn for all the time that has passed by in a vapor.
I’m proud of my son, and I know we still have time together before he ventures into the world to discover its mysteries. I just wish I had even more time because today, I realized how much he has grown.
So, at this moment, I vow to be more present and cherish the hugs, the laughter, and the time I have left. I’m blessed to be called his mother.